DIY (Do it Yourself)

Most boaters you come across tend to be fairly handy folk.  I'm not really sure whether owning a boat makes one handy or if handy people are the ones who end up buying boats but I'm hoping it's the former.  So far, David and I have avoided messing with key systems too much and instead have deferred to Laurence, our trusty boat mechanic and general Jack Of All Trades.  In many cases I think this is a good thing as ill-informed bumbling with equipment can end up being more expensive than simply hiring an expert.  With that said, there are some things you just need to learn to do.

One of the biggest ongoing headaches on a sailboat is the marine head (toilet).  They are notoriously unreliable and when they start to malfunction it is immediately unpleasant for everyone.  And so it is that one of the first onboard systems that any boater will learn to fix is the head.  David and I have successfully deferred learning about this in our first year and Laurence has gamely performed whatever maintenance has been necessary.  Recently, however, he has been more reluctant.  If I remember correctly he said something like "I'm not fixing your head any more."  This was fine at the time because the head was working reasonably well but it was soon to become a problem.

A marine head is a nice convenience but needs constant attention

Over the last week we've been noticing that water has been backing up in to the bowl.  At first we thought it was seawater but when I visited the boat yesterday, the smell that greeted me made it clear that water was backing up from the holding tank.  The timing for this was not good because David and I are due to leave for our trip to Princess Louisa Inlet in 5 days and I have a day sail planned with some friends before that.  I immediately called Laurence even though I knew he would be reluctant.  To my dismay his schedule was totally booked and he didn't know anyone else who could help us on short notice.

Based on the nature of the problem we agreed it was probably the Joker Valve.  The Joker Valve is a simple rubber plug that allows water to flow through it in one direction but not the other.  More specifically, it allows waste and water to be pumped out of the bowl and into the tank while not allowing it to come back the other way.  These little devices are as simple as they are unreliable and it is widely known among boaters that they need to be replaced at least once a year.  I knew after speaking with Laurence that if we wanted to sail this week, I was going to have to fix the head myself.  There was simply no other way.

A joker valve.  Every boat owner
will eventually know what it is.

Dutifully I went to the chandlery and purchased the Joker Valve.  There was no question of them having stock - they guy told me it is the single most requested item they have.  I went home and did what any self respecting handyman does when he needs information:  I checked YouTube.  Sure enough there was a video of two guys replacing a joker valve on a marine head.  They made it look very simple but still a bit unnerving.  One of the key messages from the video?  Wear gloves.

The next day, armed with my Joker Valve and my memory of the YouTube video, I met David on the boat to attack the problem.  We pumped tons of fresh seawater into the head in an effort to get the waste water out of the system but the more we pumped, the more water would come back from the tank into the bowl.  Soon it became apparent that even though we had the tank emptied by the marina the day before this would still be an unpleasant task.  David presented me with an extra large pair of pink rubber kitchen gloves and I donned them solemnly.  My gloved hands held up like a surgeon, I addressed the patient.  "Screw driver" I said over my shoulder to David.  He placed it in my open palm and repeated "screw driver."  I loosened the joint where I assumed the joker valve to be and water started spewing out.  I crinkled my nose and jumped back but fortunately the head area has it's own shower bilge and bilge bump so the water ran harmlessly into there and soon the pump was purging it into the ocean.  With a gloved hand I reached in and found the edge of the joker valve.  I tugged on it and out it came, hideous like a cancerous tumour.  I held it up for a moment and David and I stared with sickly fascination.  He held a Safeway bag out and I dropped it inside.  David disappeared for a moment and returned with the shiny new joker valve.  I turned back to the head and inserted it with surgical precision back into the open pipe.  That was simple enough.  Shortly after I screwed the assembly back together and stepped back, thankful that it was over.

David stepped in and started pumping.  The bowl filled with fresh seawater as it was supposed to and then evacuated into the holding tank.  Nothing flowed back into the bowl.  "You're a genius" he said.  I smiled and stripped off the rubber gloves.  How simple was that??  We had overcome another groundless fear as boat owners and taken another step towards being "handy."  I went home and looked on YouTube for a video on how to bleed the fuel line on a diesel engine.